The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
