the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
