She is in my trunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
