ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
