She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
