remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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