you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
