The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
