she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
