So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i dont even know how to be here
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
