I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
