It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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