when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize