And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
