If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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