My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
