Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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