We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
