I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
