She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
