at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
