I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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