Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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