There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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