I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
