I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
