We won't sleep together?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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