god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
