I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize