my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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