Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
