We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
