I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
