I hate your face
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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