I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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