he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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