she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
