mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
