Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
