why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
