Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
