Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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