I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
