Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
