Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
