Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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