fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
