Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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