the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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