she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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