He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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