i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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