you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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