you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
