what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize