I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
