YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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