winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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