She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
