how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
