So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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