Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
