Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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