garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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