What did we do last night that was yellow?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
