Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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