my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
