sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
